In our last ‘Thrive in 5’, we discussed the importance of forgiving others. But when it comes to ourselves, we’re often harder on ourselves or even forget to do the same. Self-forgivingness is just as important, if not more so because it manifests in every aspect of our lives, whether we’re aware of it or not. Let’s find out why, and how we can work towards being more forgiving.

Where are we now?

• Forgiveness is a form of self-compassion. It enables us to notice when we are suffering, so we can take the actions to  change the situation. Self-compassion becomes necessary when we feel inadequate, experience feelings of failure, or are generally unhappy with ourselves.

• Only by finding self-compassion can a person harbouring feelings of resentment and even vengeance overcome these emotions and arrive at forgiveness.

• This is key because those with more self-compassion tend to be happier, have more satisfied relationships, and experience less anxiety and depression.

What can you do?

• To be more forgiving of yourself, you need to accept the four Rs:

  • Responsibility: Accept what happened and show compassion towards yourself

  • Remorse: Use it as a way to encourage positive behavioural change

  • Restoration: Perhaps most important of all, make peace with the person you’re forgiving - yourself

  • Renewal: Learn and grow from the experience

• Another aspect of forgiveness is tied to mindfulness. While self-compassion helps us care for ourselves when we experience negative emotions, mindfulness allows us to embrace the emotion itself. The two combined allow us to live with less self-resistance and be more accepting of ourselves. In short, to forgive ourselves, we need to practise mindfulness.

What’s next?

• To truly achieve mindfulness and self-compassion requires patience and a great deal of self-love.

• In that sense, showing compassion or forgiving ourselves is no different from doing the same for someone else. Both involve being understanding and tolerant of shortcomings.

Self-forgiveness requires a balance between taking responsibility, accepting and staying positive about oneself. When you find this balance, you can embrace life despite any shortcomings, and learn to thrive through it all.

1. How self-compassionate are you? Find out with the self-compassion scale.

2. Here’s why forgiving is so important, according to the Mayo Clinic.

3. Here are some more tools to help you work towards self-forgiveness.